I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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