You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
