So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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