we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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