White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it hurts more in the daytime
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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