The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
