I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
