i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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