I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I believe in your delicious
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
