im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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