I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
