I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
