I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Green mimosas i think yes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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