Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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