Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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