And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
