..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
