Don't you send me to vm
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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