he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
