I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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