he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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