i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
