I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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