Ketchup is God's man juice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize