He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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