Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
