No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize