At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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