forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
