Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
