he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
