My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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