i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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