I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
