whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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