I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
