so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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