dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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