I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry about my life...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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