oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
