he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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