I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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