Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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