So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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