im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
