I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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