Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
