I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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