i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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