What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
