My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
