sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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