So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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