Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
