We named our party play list daddy issues
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize