around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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