If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
