I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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