I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
