You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
