So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
