It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
