I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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