I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
