she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You are the jesus of drinking
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
