Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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