Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Boobs speak an international language.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
