Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
