I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
