You really coming over, don't trick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
