I got chris browned last night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
