I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
